


Protecting Him

by Username_Undecided



Series: The Stories We Tell [1]
Category: Sanders Sides, Thomas Sanders
Genre: AU after Can LYING Be Good??, Blood, Hurt/Comfort, Iggy the Stove (OC), M/M, Mentions of past self harm, Mentions of unintentional Self Harm, Panic Attacks, Post-Video: Can LYING Be Good??, Sorry Not Sorry, Swearing, angst with happy ending, but I am actually really sorry, mentions of past unintentional suicide attemt, please let me know if I missed anything, that will make sense eventually - Freeform, yes the Stove from the second Sanders Sides video
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-03
Updated: 2018-09-08
Packaged: 2019-05-01 16:39:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 18,730
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14524851
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Username_Undecided/pseuds/Username_Undecided
Summary: After seeing Deceit again for the first time in years, Virgil is not doing well. However, after talking with a friend, he decides that it time to face his past. He is going to confront Deceit.The only problem is, can he handle this jump into memory lane?





	1. Chapter One - Part One

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Not Strong Enough](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13629309) by [hirusen](https://archiveofourown.org/users/hirusen/pseuds/hirusen). 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is just a little plot line that popped into my head as I was reading Not Strong Enough by hirusen.

_Breath in. One. Two. Three. Four._  
_Hold. One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. Seven._  
_Exhale. One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. Seven. Eight.  
Repeat._

Virgil lost track of how many times he repeated this exercise in the past couple of days. It must have been in the hundreds. Ok, that was probably an exaggeration, but it _felt_ accurate.

Every time he managed to calm himself down from from an attack, he thought of what caused the attack in the first place. Or should he say who caused the attack.

Deceit.

And with that, his heart was pounding. Why was it so hard to breath? Was he hyperventilating? That would explain why the room was spinning.

Just the mere thought of the Snake-faced Side was enough to make him lose control again.

 _No no no no no no NO NO NO!_ He mentally screamed at himself. _I need to get through this!_

His heart was pounding so hard, he was sure it was going to burst through his rib cage. He vaguely registered that his hands were shaking as he clutched his chest. Despite his attempts, he was having another attack.

“ **No!** ” Virgil growled. His distorted voice echoing throughout his room. “ **I need to focus!** ”

It wasn’t working. He knew he was going to be spiraling soon. But he had to snap out of this! This was only going to hurt Thomas, if it hasn’t already!

And suddenly he had a lifeline.

 _Thomas!_ The name rang throughout his mind, silencing all else. He needed to focus for Thomas. If he were to panic again, it would no doubt make Thomas nervous! After all he is Thomas’ Anxiety. The more he worries, the more Thomas worries.

 _But I’ve been constantly panicking since the video ended!_ He realized in horror. He quickly went to close off his connection to Thomas, only to realize that it was already muffled.

Virgil sighed in relief.

Maybe he hasn’t affected Thomas too much.

He must have subconsciously closed it off during one of the attacks. It was the only thing that made sense. None of the other Side knew how to mute a connection between a Side and their Host. At least none of the Main Sides did. He doubted that the “Dark Sides” would do it.

 _That would only help Thomas._ He thought bitterly. Trying not to think too much about them.

Of course, it wasn’t fully severed. The connection was still there, Thomas could still feel some of his effects. Just not the brunt of it. And Virgil would be able to sense if Thomas was having an attack.

He won’t cut off the connection ever again.

He remembered what happened last time he did. They showed him the video of Thomas acting like an “Unfiltered cotton-headed Ninny Muggins”, as the logical side had put it back when the group was in his room trying to talk him into returning. The human was a complete mess without him! He even tried to tell Patton what “adultery” meant!

Virgil exhaled deeply. He placed his head in his hands. After a few moments of trying to relax, he registered that his hands were wet and just a bit sticky. Pulling his head back a bit, he looked at his hands.

He saw red. Not in the sense that he was angry, but he was looking at the color red. His hands were covered in blood.

Virgil quickly wiped them on his jeans before he summoned his phone. He turned it on and immediately open the camera app and switched it to the front facing mode.

First thing he noticed was the streaks of dried eyeshadow running down his face. He must have cried during one of his many attacks.

Second was that despite the ruined makeup, his eyeshadow was caked under his eyes as if nothing happened. He knew that was because of his own anxiety. The more anxious he was, the more makeup he had. That was why he often applied his own makeup. When he didn’t apply his own makeup, the eyeshadow fluctuated with his own level of Anxiety. When he did put on the make up, it remained constant, he had a little more control on what he looked like. At least then he can say the “Raccoon” look was on purpose.

Third thing Virgil noticed was how pale and gaunt he looked. Yes, generally he was always pale, thanks to the white foundation he put on. But he can tell the foundation had been wiped off a while ago. Right now he just looked sickly.

The last thing he noticed was that he had nail marks all over his face. There was even some running down his neck. He must have clawed at himself during his panic. His nails broke the skin many times and blood stained his face.

Virgil didn’t understand. The cuts should have been healed by now. Most injuries a Side receives heals almost immediately after getting hurt. The energy they receive from their host is constantly repairing and maintaining their body. It shouldn’t have gotten this bad.

With another jolt of horror, he realized that he didn’t have any energy to heal it with. He was drawing just enough energy to survive directly from Thomas instead of “eating” the excess energy that is stored in the common area of the Mindscape.

Any extra energy Thomas doesn’t use throughout the day is stored in one of the common areas where it was transformed into “food” a Side can “cook” so they can properly absorb it. They then use that energy to preform their functions, such as making sure Thomas feels anxious and what not.

Now normally, they would just “transform” the food into whatever Thomas is currently eating, but sometimes, they would want something different and would have to go through the effort into making that specific thing themselves.

The Sides can eat real food, of course. But only in small amounts. When they do eat real food, they absorb ALL of the energy from it, not just the bit transformed specifically for them. In small amounts, it’s not too bad, they just don’t have to eat anything else for about a week. If they eat too much real food, they become hyper. Meaning their functions are working overtime. And that is reflected in Thomas. If Virgil were to eat so much as a second slice of real pizza, then Thomas would become anxious to the extreme. Like full blown panic attack. So Virgil never eats any real food. He’d rather not risk it. As a matter of fact, Patton is the only Side who does. And Roman on a rare occasion.

If a Side does not eat, they would draw energy directly from Thomas. Which would be bad because Thomas is actually using that energy for important things, like living and such. The more energy they draw from Thomas, the less energy he would have, and the more exhausted their host would be. If a side draws to much energy directly from Thomas, it could seriously damage him. So Patton and Logan are adamant that they eat once a day at minimum.

Virgil shook his head to bring him out of his musings. He is more out of it then he thought if his mind keeps drifting. But he supposes that makes sense. Not only has he not eaten since before the video, but he has spent who knows how long in a constant cycle of panic. He can barely focus right now. He was exhausted. He just wanted to crawl into his blankets and sleep till the Sun explodes. Or about a day and a half will do. But he knew that he needed to get energy first. He can’t keep drawing from Thomas. He needed to eat.

Virgil sunk out of his room and into the common room before he had time to think it over, completely forgetting about his appearance. He appeared in his usual spot by the stairs. To his relief, the common room was empty. He didn’t know if he was up interacting with any of the other sides yet.

 _It must be later then I thought._ He thought to himself. He glanced at clock to see that it was just after 3:30 AM. _Much later. Oh well. I’ve been up longer._

Virgil made his way over to the kitchen. He turned on the lights with a snap of his fingers.

He went to pull his purple patchwork hoodie tighter to himself when he realized he wasn’t wearing it. He must have taken it off during his panic. He hopes that he hasn’t damaged it in any way. He has grown attached to it. There were times when he missed his old hoodie, the familiarity was comforting. But this one, it was part of a bonding experience he and the other sides shared. It made him feel like a part of the group. Besides, the old one brought up too many memories.

As he put his arms back down, he noticed his arms ached. He looked down and realized that they too are covered in scratches. He takes note of the blood and bits of skin gathered under his fingernails. _Great._ The Anxious Side thought sardonically, feeling self conscious. _At least no one should be awake for a couple more hours. They won’t have to see me like this._

Suddenly a voice broke him out of his thoughts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I originally had planned for this chapter to be a couple thousand words (3,000 at most), but it just kept growing. And what should have been chapter one is now 13,000 words. So instead of posting one long chapter, I’ll be breaking it down to about 5 chapters and will be spreading out the posting. This will help me as I am an extremely slow writer. It took nearly a month and a half to write this. So as I am posting the rest of this chapter, I’ll be working on writing the next one. I’ll try not to keep you guys waiting too long.


	2. Chapter One - Part Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil makes some food and has a panic (anxiety?) attack. Oh, and there is a Sentient Stove there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, at the moment, I have no plans on there being any romance. It’s not my thing. But I might consider it later on in the series. I must warn you though, any pairings I do write will be Analogical and Royality. I’ll explain my reasonings if I do.

“Virgil, buddy, you don’t know how glad I am to see you! It’s been days! How are you? You don’t look so hot.”

 

He jumped and swung around to look for the voice before he recognized it as Ignatius the Stove.

 

After the second Sanders Sides video where Patton talked Thomas into learning how to cook, Iggy came into existence. Sure it was meant to just be a bit for the video, but the idea sort of stuck and Ignatius appeared into the Mindspace. Logan was the one who named him, saying something about the name relating to fire, not realizing all the opportunities for puns that it had created. But it was too late to change it by then as Ignatius, or Iggy had refused to answer to anything else.

 

“Hey Iggy,” Virgil said hoarsely, his throat stung, as if he had just screamed for hours.He ignored this and walked over to the Stove. Realizing he was asked a question, the Anxious Trait continued, “Things aren’t that great right now.”

 

“Really?” Iggy asked quietly, “Do you want to talk about it?”

 

“Might as well.” Virgil said with a sigh, “but let me make some food first. I don’t remember the last time I ate anything.”

 

He went to grab the kettle, as he would definitely need tea for this conversation, when the Anxious Side remembered that his hands were still covered in blood. Changing directions, he went to the sink instead. He cleaned off his hands and arms, carefully not to agitate his injuries further. He winced as the soap stung against the cuts. When his hands were clean, he used a damp paper towel to clean his face and neck. It took a couple times and multiple paper towels, but he was sure that he managed to clean off all the blood.

 

He filled the kettle with water from the sink and placed it on the back left burner. The dial was already on high before his hand left the handle of the kettle.

 

“Thanks.” Virgil whispered to the stove.

 

As Iggy gave a low hum, Virgil went opened the fridge. His heart clenched at what he saw. There were multiple plates covered in aluminum foil completely filling the fridge. Each plate had a piece of paper taped on with the words “For Virgil” written on it along with a heart or smiley-face doodle and a few words to describe what the food was.

 

There were a couple with pancakes written on it, some with various sandwiches, some bowls with different types of soups. Pastas here and there, a pan of Lasagna, and even a large bowl of chicken stir-fry. And there was dozens of different types of cookies and baked goods. Chocolate Chip Cookies, Peanut Butter Cookies, Brownies, Cinnamon Rolls, Fudge with Walnuts, Cherry Cheesecake Delight, some Snickerdoodles, and even a Whole Lemon Meringue Pie.

 

_Patton must have been so worried._ He thought guiltily as he knew the father figure tended to bake a lot when he was upset.

 

“Uh...” he tried to say something. Anything. But he couldn’t seem to form the words. His throat constricted painfully as he tried to take in air.

 

“Everyone has been pretty worried.” Iggy said softly, breaking Virgil out of his shock. “They never said what was going on, but they did mention you a lot.”

 

“What did they say?” Virgil croaked. He knew that Iggy would tell him the truth and he wouldn’t leave anything out. Iggy knew Virgil hated lying. The two were close.

 

Back when he was still an outcast, Virgil would often be awake in the middle of the night due to either a nightmare or insomnia. In need of energy to get through the rest of the day, he would cook food. The two would spend hours talking while Virgil ate said food and the drank tea he made.

 

Before Iggy appeared, Virgil would either microwave anything he could find, or just eat dry foods like granola bars, pop tarts or even trail mix. But after Iggy came to be, he felt guilty over using the microwave when there was a sentient Stove who just wanted to be used.

 

So Virgil learned how to cook. Nothing too elaborate, of course, that would be too much work. He mainly heated up leftovers, sometimes he would heat up pizza rolls in the oven, make some good ol’ ramen on the stovetop, and he would even make a pot of rice for Patton during dinner. And if he was feeling up to it, he would make something a little more complicated, such as French Toast, chilly and rice, scrambled egg, etc. Once he even  _tried_ to make spaghetti. Never. Again.

 

There was another benefit to cooking as well. The more Virgil cooks, the more comfortable he is cooking. The more comfortable he is cooking, the more at ease Thomas is at cooking. So Virgil was determined to try to make something a at least once a day.

 

And at first Iggy was just happy being able to cook for another person, but over time, a tentative friendship grew, till, eventually, Virgil became Iggy’s favorite Side, and Virgil himself, was very fond of the stove.

 

“Are you sure you want to know everything?” Iggy asked after a brief pause. He sounded a little concerned.

 

“Yes.” Virgil said hesitantly.

 

“Okay, Virge.” The stove sighed, “But first you should eat something, you look like you’re about to collapse.”

 

“Fine.” Virgil groaned, he plugged his phone into the speakers on the counter. He started up his favorite playlist. They never talked when the actual cooking was taking place, as the sizzling sound tended to drown out any words. That and the Anxious Side was more comfortable cooking when he was not dividing his attention, lest he burn himself or the food. Or the house. What? It could happen. Cooking was dangerous.

 

He grabbed a large pan from the drying rack and put it on the front right burner. He poured a little olive oil onto the pan so it would warm up as the pan did. The burner turned on to medium-high. Virgil gave the oven door handle a small pat before going to the fridge. He considered his options for a moment. He pulled out the large bowl of chicken stir-fry. He was definitely in the mood for the stir-fry. That and there was a lot of food in the bowl. Probably enough for two servings, possibly even three. What! He was hungry!

 

He placed the bowl next to the pan. Resting his hand a few inches above the pan, he determined that it still needed to warm up a little more.

 

He pulled out his favorite mug from the cupboard and set it on the counter. Yeah, people usually use mugs for coffee and cups for tea, but let him be an individual, dammit!

 

He went to look at the teas. Singing softly to the chorus of Helena by My Chemical Romance as he browsed the cupboard.

 

_I probably should drink herbal tea so I can get some sleep._ He thought as he looked at the collection of teas.  _But, I have a feeling this conversation might take a while. Not only is Iggy going to tell me what has been going on, I still need to talk out what has caused me to panic in the first place._

 

With that, he grabbed one of the black teas. It was raspberry. Just as he pulled a bag from the box, the kettle started whistling. He quickly placed the box on the counter by the fridge and tossed the bag in his mug. He picked up the kettle from the burner, and poured hot water into the mug. He placed the kettle back on the burner, idly noticing the dial for the kettle’s burner was turned down to medium-low. There was still plenty of water for another two or three cups, so Iggy put the dial on medium-low to keep the water’s temperature from going down too much. Giving the oven door handle another pat, he turned his focus back to the pan. It was definitely hot enough now.

 

He carefully added the stir-fry, flinching slightly as the oil splashed against his bare arms. He wished he got his hoodie before he started cooking.

 

_Too late now._

 

As he mixed the vegetables and meat together with a wooden spoon, his mind drifted to what Iggy would tell him.

 

_What did the other Sides talk about? Iggy said they talked about me. Were they upset that I locked myself in my room again? Why didn’t they check on me? Were they disappointed that I lost myself in another attack? Did they realize I know Deceit more then I let on? Do they want me to leave the group? Do the want things to go back to the way things were before?_

 

Before he realized it, he was on the verge of another anxiety attack. But before he could lose himself again, Iggy’s voice pulled him back to reality.

 

“Virgil.” Iggy said firmly. The dial for the front burner was suddenly off.“I promise they did not say anything bad about you. They were just concerned.”

 

“You know me too well.” Virgil said, releasing a shaky laugh. He gripped the edges of the counter to stabilize himself. He couldn’t seem to draw in any air.

 

He vaguely noticed that Iggy was counting. He matched his breathing to the numbers

 

“One. Two. Three. Four...”

 

It the past, he would have been terrified of another person being close enough for them to read him so well. But the Stove had somehow snuck his way into his non-existent heart. He was surprised when he realized that he doesn’t mind. He actually finds that it is comforting. Just as it is also comforting that Logan knows him well enough to recognize the signs of when he is getting overwhelmed and would act to calm him down. Or that they could just glance at each other and communicate silently. And it is comforting that Patton can look at him and know that he needs his space and would back off, alternatively, the Emotional trait knows when he desperately needs a hug and would gladly cuddle on the couch with him. And it is comforting that he knows he can just show up at Roman’s door when he is not feeling to great and the two would watch Disney movies together and point out the different messages in said movies, or they would play video games, or even just color. He is comforted by this. The comfort of a family.

 

But, even now he has a hard time trusting them. On his bad days, he can’t help but think that they are just tolerating him. Being nice so he won’t duck out again. He was worried that Patton was just faking being happy that Virgil was around, the Moving On video certainly didn’t help in that regards. There were times he was absolutely sure that Logan was only being nice to him because the logical side had deduced that if Virgil was happy, he wouldn’t cause any problems for Thomas, intentional or not. And then there was Roman.

 

The two of them had been at odds for so long, Virgil was surprised that he was able to trust the creative side at all. These past few videos had made this especially difficult. What with Roman trying to make Thomas get back with his ex, despite how much they all protested, even Thomas. Sure, he eventually realized his mistakes, but it was only after Thomas made him see sense that he realized how much it was hurting both Virgil and Patton. And there was the time when he forced Virgil to sing in the Holiday video, ignoring how uncomfortable Virgil was with the whole thing. And don’t even get him started on the most recent video, where he, even if it was unintentional, had aided Deci–

 

Virgil forced himself to move on from this line of thought, he was just starting to calm down after his most recent episode. He did not need to think about  _Him._

 

Iggy would often have to calm him down, during their nightly talks, when the Anxious Side is worrying about trusting them. The stove would tell him that they really do care. That he had nothing to worry about. Virgil didn’t believe him at first. He thought the Stove was only being nice, that there was no way to know if the Main Sides were being genuine. Turns out, Iggy did know.

 

Before the others knew the two were close, Iggy would listen in on them to see how they were treating Virgil. The stove wanted to make sure the three of them were being authentic in their acceptance. And he had told Virgil, that while both Patton and Logan were both being sincere since the start, it took a few weeks before Roman seem to genuinely care about the Anxious Side. But he did report that the Creative Side was absolutely gushing to Patton how the two had spent the day just talking and spitballing ideas for Thomas’s SHORTS vids and the Prince was literally singing his praises about the Virgil’s ideas. They did end up using a few of them for the SHORTS.

 

Although Iggy was glad that the three truly accepted the Anxious one, the Stove had threatened them after he was sure their acceptance was real. Roman has later told Virgil that Iggy had terrified them by saying that should the three of them hurt Virgil, he would find a way to free himself from his spot in the kitchen and hunt them down. Maybe the Virgil had affected the stove’s personality more then he thought.

 

When he felt that his breathing had evened out, he focused on the lyrics of Welcome to My Life by Simple Plan. Once he felt he was in control of himself, heturned his attention to the tea on the other side of the stove. Deciding it steeped long enough, he pulled out the tea bag, setting it on a paper towel. He grabbed the sugar and dumped it in until the liquid was almost to the brim. He pulled a spoon out of the drawer and carefully stirred drink until he was sure the sugar dissolved. He slowly picked the mug up from the counter, carefully not to spill anything. He positioned the spoon so it would be held in place by his cheek as he drank, he did not want to be poked in the eye again. He took a sip, allowing the hot liquid to soothe his frayed nerves.

 

Virgil hasn’t always been that much of a tea fan. He usually preferred energy drinks. But he made himself drink it for Iggy’s benefit. So the stove would at least be able to heat something up. Over time, he grew to love it. It calmed him down when he was feeling stressed and it has become a staple in his routine. A constant.

 

“Sorry.” He said, once he had calmed down. His throat already felt less raw after one cup.

 

“It is okay.” Iggy said comfortingly. “It has been a rough week. I get it.”

 

Virgil nodded and focused on his tea again. Slowly relaxing. After he finished it. He poured more hot water into the mug, then placed the tea bag back in. He turned back to the stir-fry.

 

“Are you sure you’re good to go buddy?” Iggy asked, the dial still indicating off.

 

“Yeah.” Virgil said shakily. He cleared his throat before he said more firmly. “Yeah, I’m good.”

 

“If you’re sure.” Iggy said hesitantly. The dial for the pan was now medium. Not as high as before.

 

_Great,_ Virgil thought.  _Now I am making Iggy worry over me._

 

This time he made sure to focus his entire attention on the pan full of scalding oil.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know there is a difference between panic attacks and Anxiety attacks, but I was too far into the story to go back and change it by the time I did proper research on the subject. That and I’ve been trying to write it out and post this for over a month now, I did not want to delay posting this story any longer then necessary. So please, ignore mix up.


	3. Chapter One - Part Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil gets some food and Iggy tells him what has been going on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know that my updates have been fairly quick, but I just want to say that after the Chapter One - Part 5 is out, it will be less frequent. I only have up to there written and I am a slow writer.

Once he was satisfied that the food was heated enough, he gave the oven door handle another pat and he went to pull out a plate from the drying rack. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw that the dial for the pan was put to medium-low. He filled the plate till it was completely full. There was definitely enough for seconds. He placed the plate on the counter and went back to the mug. He gave the still steeping tea a sniff. _Not as strong as the first cup, but it should good enough._ He decided. He tossed the tea bag in the garbage can. Once again, he filled the tea cup with enough sugar till the liquid was to the brim. What? He has a sweet tooth!

 

He ignored the memory of Logan explaining that sugar worsened the symptoms of Anxiety.

 

The Anxious Persona pulled himself up onto the counter and sat on the corner. He picked up the plate and took a bite of the fried broccoli.  _Not bad._ He thought.

 

He took a couple more bites. He was already feeling better. More focused.

 

“So...” Virgil trailed off, unsure how to start this conversation. He turned down the music just as I Miss You by Blink-182 was coming to a close. Now the music was just background noise.

 

“Right.” Iggy said with a sigh. “Are you sure you want to know, Virge?”

 

“Yes.” He said firmly, forcing any hesitancy out of his voice. He let his arm rest on his legs. Giving his full attention to Iggy, his food forgotten.

 

“Eat.” Was all Iggy said. While the stove didn’t have a face or even eyes, Virgil could feel Iggy’s stare.

 

He resisted the urge to roll his eyes. Iggy had spent most of his early existence with Patton, so it wasn’t surprising when the stove had picked up the fatherly figment’s caretaker tendencies. Since the stove literally only had a minute on video, his personality hasn’t really developed aside from insecure and a little punny. So he took on some of Patton’s, and apparently some of Virgil’s, personality.

 

With a quiet grumble, Virgil started eating again. The food was actually really good.

 

“At first,” the Stove began. Virgil paused with his fork halfway to his mouth, he forced himself to keep eating. He knew Iggy would stop talking if he didn’t. “I didn’t realize anything was going on. Sure the three of them were a little tense, but it wouldn’t be the first time. Sometimes the videos can get stressful or heated.

 

“Then, you didn’t show up that night. I didn’t think to much of it. I figured you were probably getting some sleep for once. But then you didn’t appear at breakfast. The others thought you just overslept. By lunch, they were a little concerned, but they decided to give you some space. By dinner, they were worried. But, they said the would wait a little longer before approaching you. They had thought you just needed a couple of days to yourself. I wasn’t to concerned. I figured you would need time away from the other sides and would be out at night, you usually are. You didn’t appear. They kept saying to give you some space. But by the third night of you not showing up, I decided to ask Patton what was going on when he was cooking.

 

“He refused to say anything.” Iggy continued, the worry clear in is voice. Virgil was sure that if the stove had a face, he would be frowning. “Just that Logan and Roman insisted that it wasn’t safe to talk out in the open. When I told him that I hadn’t seen you in a few days, and that you usually cook food at night, even on your bad days. He immediately summoned the other two.

 

“When Patton told them what I had said, they tried calling you. After a few tries, they decided to go to you. When they sank out, they appeared in their usual spots in the living room instead. They couldn’t get in your room.”

 

“What?” Virgil asked, a little startled, he looked up from the plate to stare at the stove.

 

“What is it?” Iggy asked, is voice a little panicked. “What happened?”

 

“Nothing.” Virgil said, thinking over Iggy’s words. “I didn’t realize I locked my room. Makes sense, I suppose.”

 

“How does that make sense?” Iggy asked in confusion.

 

“Well,” Virgil started to say, but he was cut off by the Stove.

 

“Wait!” Iggy near yelled. At Virgil’s flinch, he continued in a quieter tone. “Why didn’t realize you locked your room? How can you not realize!”

 

“I was panicking okay!” Virgil cut in before the stove could rant further. “Last thing I remember was going to my room immediately after the video ended.”

 

“Okay.” Iggy sighed. He knew Virgil didn’t always remember the bad attacks. “So why does it make sense for you to lock your room?”

 

“Well,” Virgil said, he was unable to resist the urge to sigh. He slowly pushed the food around his plate, he set it on the counter next to him, he barely noticed that the ache from earlier had left. “apparently I also closed my connection to Thomas. In my panic, I must have realized that I would have negatively affected Thomas, so I must have also realized that the sides would checked up on me.”

 

“And why wouldn’t you want anyone to check on you?” Iggy asked, befuddled.

 

Virgil gave in to the urge to sigh again. He placed his head in his hands, vaguely noticing that the cuts on his face had healed over. All that was left was scars.

 

“When I’m in full on panic mode,” he said, not looking up yet. “It’s not... safe... to be around me.” His voice broke. He sat up and took a deep breath before he cleared his throat. “And it way too dangerous for any other Side to be in my room then. They could get corrupted in less then a minute.”

 

“Virge,” Iggy said almost desperately, “what happened, buddy? You lock yourself in your room for a week, panicking the whole time! The other Sides are practically afraid of their own shadow. They rarely leave their room anymore. Things are looking bad, man.”

 

“Deceit.” Was all Virgil said. He put his full attention on Iggy, it helped to focus on the stove to stave off another attack.

 

“Oh.” The stove managed to say after a moment of silence. If Iggy had a human body, Virgil was sure that his back would have went ramrod straight. “That– that’s not good.”

 

“I know.” Virgil said quietly, he went to pull his sleeve over his hands before he remembered that he wasn’t wearing his hoodie. Instead he rubbed his hand over the back of his neck. Thinking about it, he suddenly realized that he could just summon his hoodie from his room. But... he didn’t feel the need to. He didn’t feel exposed like he normally would around others when he was without a hoodie. When it was just him and Iggy, he felt... safe.

 

“Do the others know?” Iggy asked hesitantly. “About you and...”

 

“No.” Virgil said, glaring at the floor. He knew what Iggy was talking about. The stove was the only one who knew about his past. The only one the Anxious Side had ever told of what Deceit did to him. He wrapped his arms around himself.

 

He forced his mind away from the Snakelike Side. Instead, he went over what Iggy had told him. Then something occurred to him.

 

“You said that they were worried.” Virgil said, concern lacing his tone. “That they didn’t even want to talk out in the open?”

 

“Yeah...” Iggy said confused.

 

“That doesn’t make any sense!” Virgil stated, “My connection to Thomas was closed off. They shouldn’t have been able to feel that much worry, let alone any paranoia!”

 

“So what does it mean?” Iggy asked.

 

“I don’t know!” Virgil yelled, he rubbed his hands over his face. “I mean, the only I can think of would be that I was closed off for so long. You’ve said I was gone for a week right?”

 

“Yep.” Iggy replied. Virgil had a sense that the stove nodded.

 

“I’ve never been closed off for that long.” Virgil said with a huff. “Even when I ducked out, they went to find me on the third day.”

 

“Maybe...” Iggy said slowly, “maybe Thomas’s mind compensated your absence by channeling all of the worry through the other Sides?”

 

“That is my only guess.” Virgil groaned. Guilt creeping in at the thought of them having to deal with the worries and fears that he normally has to deal with on a daily basis. “We’ll just have to asked Logan later.”

 

Iggy hummed. The two fell into silence. Second Chance by Shinedown playing quietly in the background.

 

“I suppose...” Iggy said. “I should probably finish.”

 

“Yeah.” Virgil replied, his voice cracked. He picked up the mug and finished the last of his tea with one gulp.

 

“They tried to get to your room a few more times.” The stove started his tale once again. “But they couldn’t. So they they decided to talk to Thomas. I don’t know what happened out there, but they were – dejected – when they came back. Patton did try to stay optimistic by saying that at least you didn’t duck out, but even he didn’t sound that sure. They all left after that. After that, the only time I saw them was during meal times, or when Patton was baking.”

 

The stove fell silent.

 

“There’s more.” Virgil said a few moments after Iggy has stopped talking. He knew that there had to be. Otherwise, why would the stove not want to tell him. “Isn’t there?”

 

“Yes.” Iggy said with a sigh. “Virgil, are you sure? You don’t have to know.”

 

“Tell me.”

 

“Yesterday, just a little before noon,” Iggy said resignedly, “Patton was making cupcakes. But, he was didn’t look good, his eyes were both puffy and baggy. He was distracted. He kept looking at the stairs, where you usually appear. I guess he messed up on the recipe or something because the cupcake were too flat and too dense. He...”

 

“What.” Virgil said desperately. “What is it? Please, tell me!”

 

“When he saw the cupcakes,” Iggy said hesitantly, “he looked so... heartbroken. He started mumbling to himself that he failed. That those cupcakes were for you and that they were supposed to make you happy, and that he failed in doing that. Suddenly, he was grabbing the hot cupcakes straight from the pan and was hurling them everywhere. He was screaming that he failed you. That you were hurting and he was supposed to help you and take care of you like a father should, but he was a failure. After he ran out of cupcakes to throw, he started throwing anything he could reach.

 

“Logan and Roman held him down, but he already burnt his hands from the cupcakes and he got a cut from grabbing the wrong end of a knife. They fell over, and the three of them just sobbed on the floor for while. It was then that Logan said that it was not safe for them to be out in the open. I think the three of them went to Patton’s room to continue crying. After that, I only saw one person. That was just after midnight. They cleaned up the mess with a snap of their fingers and then left. They didn’t turn on the lights, so I couldn’t get a good look, but I think it was Logan, he is the only one who uses their control over the mindscape to clean instead of doing it manually.”

 

Tears threatened to fall as the guilt overtook him. This was his fault. He should have been stronger. He shouldn’t have let Deceit’s return get to his head. He shouldn’t have panicked. It is his job to protect them. And now they were crying because of him!

 

“Virgil.” Iggy started to say. But Virgil cut him off.

 

“It’s my fault.” Virgil moaned. “I–“

 

“Virgil!” Iggy said firmly. “Virgil listen to me!”

 

Virgil forced himself to focus on the stove.

 

“It is NOT your fault!” Iggy said firmly.

 

“But–“

 

“No!” Iggy cut him off. “Virgil, you can’t blame yourself. After what you’ve been through. After what Deceit has done to you, it is okay for you to not be okay. Okay?”

 

Virgil wasn’t sure if he believed him, but for Iggy, he’ll try. He swallowed past the lump in his throat and gave a jerky nodded.

 

“Okay.”

 

“Okay then.” Iggy said, and Virgil got a sense the stove was nodding. “You should finish eating. And if you’re up to it, maybe you can tell me what happened.”

 

“Alright.” Virgil said, picking up his plate, there isn’t much left on it. He quickly shoveled it into his mouth. He slid off of the counter and went to the pan. He scooped the rest of the stir-fry on his plate and he set it near where he was sitting. He put the pan in the sink and filled it with warm water. He didn’t want the oil or the sauce to dry up and harden. He refilled his mug and put a new tea bag in.

 

He pulled himself back up on the counter and let the song Just Like You by Three Days Grace wash over him. Virgil ate in silence, trying not to think about the upcoming conversation. Iggy just hummed softly to the song, not pushing him to talk. Just Iggy’s quiet acceptance of Virgil was soothing to the Anxious Trait. They sat together, not saying a word, for what felt like a lifetime, but was probably only ten minutes. When Virgil finished the last of the food, he put the plate in the sink and rinsed it off. He’ll wash the dishes after he and Iggy are finished talking.

 

Virgil dried his hands and went back to the mug and fished out the tea bag. Once again, he filled the mug up to the brim with sugar. He pulled himself back up on the counter and absentmindedly stirred his tea. _No use putting this off any longer._

 

Virgil took a sip of the tea and finally allowed himself to think back to that day.


	4. Chapter One - Part Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil and Iggy talk even more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is one more part after this one then Chapter One will be done. The updates will be slowing down after that. Just wanted to let you guys know.

“Joan had a staged reading for a play they were in,” Virgil started, Miss Missing You by Fall Out Boy was softly playing in the background. “And Thomas told them that he would be there. But earlier that day, Thomas was invited to hang out with a guy that Thomas has a crush on. And, of course, Roman was head over heels in love with this guy. It wasn’t till after the reading started that we remembered about it!

 

“But Princey,” Virgil sneered, “Princey was  _obsessed_ with the guy and refused to leave! He was insisting that the guy was ‘the Prince of your dreams! Other that this Prince of your dreams!’ Puh-lease!” Here Virgil tone became mocking. He suddenly was thrown back to before he was accepted by the Main Sides and would gripe and vent to the stove during their many talks.

 

“I could burn him if you want.” Iggy said suddenly.

 

“What?” Virgil said, shaking his head as he broke out of his memories.

 

“Come on.” Iggy said hopefully, “Just a little burn on his hand next time he’s near.”

 

“That’s tempting,” Virgil said slowly, considering the offer. A warmth filled his chest at the stove’s protectiveness. “But Roman and I are finally getting along after all these years. I don’t want to set things back.”

 

“Oh, alright.” Iggy pouted.

 

“Uh, thanks anyway.” Virgil gave the Stove a small smile. He took another sip of the tea.  _Now where was I?_

 

“Roman and I argued the rest of the night,” Virgil continued on with the story, “and we ended up not going to support Joan.

 

“When we got home, Thomas convinced us to wait till the next morning before we talked anymore. He said maybe we would be calmer in the morning and that if we still wanted to argue, we’d make a Sanders Sides video of it. By the next morning we were still at odds, so we did end up making the video.

 

“Patton was... off,” Virgil sighed, “I didn’t notice at first, I was too busy arguing with Roman. He didn’t make any Dad jokes for one thing, he was almost bragging when he was talking about that philosopher, and he was trying to convince Thomas to lie to Joan.”

 

“What?” Iggy yelled in shock. “Patton?”

 

“I know, right?” Virgil agreed, he took another sip of his tea. He knew that was a huge indicator that that was not Patton, but he was too distracted to notice.

 

“So,” Virgil went back to the story. “Patton and Roman were trying to convince Thomas to lie and suggested that we practice lying to Joan in the Mind Palace Theater with Roman pretending to be Joan. Patton insisted on being the director. Logan was the Dramaturge and I was the techie. They had Thomas go through four different scenes where he would have to lie. And honestly, those scenarios were ridiculous and completely unrealistic. But it did help convince both Thomas and Roman not to lie. Patton was still insisting though.”

 

“I’m guessing that that wasn’t Patton.” Iggy said after Virgil paused.

 

“No, it wasn’t.” Virgil said quietly, drinking more tea. “I had my suspicions, but I wasn’t sure until then. Logan tried to out him directly, but he was silenced. Roman and I managed to talk Thomas into giving his permission. And Deceit was revealed. I am not to sure what happened after that.

 

“Thomas was panicking and I was panicking and Deceit was just there. With his snake-face and his hat and his new gloves and he– he was talking to Thomas and Deceit was there! And he was saying he was Patton and– ugh!”

 

“Virgil.” Iggy cut in. “Breath.” His voice was an anchor in the storm. Virgil took a deep breath.

 

“Thanks.” He managed to say after moment. He drained the last of his tea. The warmth filling him.

 

“Anytime.” Iggy replied warmly. The soft smile evident in his voice, despite the lack of lips.

 

“Logan managed to calm us down and Patton appeared. Deceit left. The video ended after that and I ran to my room.”

 

“That’s...” Iggy said after Virgil finish talking. “Wow.”

 

“I know.” Virgil huffed, he held his face in his hands.

 

Iggy said nothing. No doubt thinking everything over.

 

He went to take another sip of his tea, but he remember that he finished it already. He slid off the counter and poured the last of the water into the mug. It barely went halfway up.  _Oh well._ He put the tea bag in mug. The water was just hot enough for the tea to be decent. He set the mug on the counter and stretched. His back cracked as he did so. Iggy remained silent.

 

“I probably should wash the dishes.” Virgil said with a sigh. He was exhausted. But he definitely did not want to leave them for Patton to take care of. He was suddenly filled with the urge to go and find the paternal persona. He looked at the clock. It was just before 5 AM.  _Patton should be getting up in a few hours. I could stay awake until then._

 

Virgil turned the volume up on the speakers. The song Ignorance by Paramore was nearing the end. He went to the sink and poured all of the water out of the pan and set it on the counter next to the sink. He placed the bowl, plate, mug, fork and wooden spoon in the pan. He turned on the water, letting the hot water wash all of the food residue down the drain. He put the plug in and squeezed some dish soap into the water. As the sink was filling up, he put the dishes from the drying rack away to make room for the new ones. When there was enough water in the sink, he got to work washing the dishes. Softly singing to Going Under by Evanescence as he did so.

 

After he was finished with the dishes, he dunked the rag in the soapy water and wrung out the excess water. He quickly wiped down the counter. Re-dunking the rag, he wiped the stovetop as well. Thankfully, nothing got under the heating coils, so he didn’t have to take them out. It was a pain trying them to put back in.

 

“Anything else.” Virgil asked the stove softly.

 

“A little bit of cheese dripped from the Lasagna yesterday.” Iggy answered in mild irritation. The stove often described fallen food stains as itches.

 

“You got it.” Virgil gave a small smile. This has become a tradition of sorts. After cooking and washing the dishes, he would ask the stove if he needed help. Normally, like today, it would just be cleaning up food that had fallen while in the oven. Occasionally something would be under the stove that Virgil would have to fish out. Once, a mitt had fallen behind him and was making Iggy uncomfortable. Virgil has to use the broom to pull it out. Virgil didn’t mind. He was happy to help out his first friend he gained during his time with the Main Sides.

 

He open the oven and peered in. There was definitely some burned on cheese on the grill of the rack. He pulled it out and set it in the sink. It would need to soak for a little bit. He looked back in the oven. There was also some cheese on the oven floor. He dipped the rag in the hot water again and started scrubbing. It took a few minutes, but he managed to clean off all of the cheese.

 

“How’s that?” He asked the stove.

 

“Much better.” Iggy said with a sigh of relief.

 

Virgil gave the stove another smile and went back to the sink to finish cleaning of the rack. Once it was clean he dried it off and put it back in the oven. He drained the water from the sink dried off his hands. He didn’t bother closing the oven door. He knew Iggy would close it on his own after the water dried.

 

He inspected the tea, and determined that it was still warm enough. He pulled out the bag and threw it in the trash. He filled the tea with lots of sugar and stirred till he couldn’t feel the sugar as he rotated the spoon. The end of Had Enough by Breaking Benjamin playing in the background.

 

He took a sip of the tea and looked at the clock. Just after 5 AM. He could feel his exhaustion creep in, but his urge to see Patton was stronger. He picked up the kettle and filled it with more water. The dial for the same burner was already set to high before he set the kettle down.

 

“Thanks.” He smiled, giving the handle another pat. He was about to hop back on the counter, but he decided that he was starting to get tired of the raspberry tea. He grabbed the box from next to the fridge and put back in the cupboard. He looked over the teas and considered his options, eventually, he decided on one of the English Breakfast teas. He pulled out the box and set it on the counter next to the fridge.

 

Virgil drained the last of his Raspberry tea on two big gulps. He went to the sink and rinsed out the mug with hot water. There was no need to wash it now, as he will just get it dirty again in a minute. He dried it off and set it on the counter next to the stove. He leaned against the counter and let the stillness of the early morning relax him.

 

The kettle suddenly whistled, jolting Virgil out of a rare state of peace. The dial had turned to medium-low before he even picked up the kettle. He poured the hot water in his mug and set the kettle back on the burner. He gave the oven door handle another pat and went to get the tea bag. He put the bag in the mug and hopped up onto his usual spot on the counter. He absentmindedly tugging at the string to the tea bag, watching as the bag rose and sunk as he did so. The middle of In The End by Linkin Park lulling him.

 

“Virgil,” Iggy said hesitantly. Virgil looked up from his mug to the stove. “I’ve been thinking...”

 

“Hmm?” Virgil gave a small hum, waiting for the stove to continue.

 

“Have you...” Iggy said slowly. “Well, have you ever... grieved?”

 

“Grieved?” Virgil asked in confusion. “Why would I grieve?”

 

“Yeah,” Iggy said, voice more firmly. “I know no one actually died or anything, but Virge, you, you lost... well, everything.”

 

“Oh.” Virgil said, setting the mug down next to him. Iggy’s words hitting him like a ton of bricks. Can he do that?Can he allow himself to move on? It was their actions that have drove him these past couple of years. Was he ready to let go?

 

He wasn’t sure.

 

But... it has been years. Maybe it was time. He doubted he could ever let it go. But he could try moving forwards.

 

But there was the matter of Deceit’s reappearance. He knew he needed to do something about that, but he had absolutely no idea what.

 

“Virge?” Iggy said softly.

 

“I...” Virgil started to say... well he was sure what he was going to say. “I don’t– I just don’t know, Ig. I mean, after everything–”

 

He cut off his words as he realized what song was playing. Uprising by Muse. A rush of memories threatened to take over him.

 

Virgil leapt off of the counter. He lost his footing as he landed and slammed painfully on his knees. He scrambled up to the opposite counter where his phone was plugged in and hastily pressed the home button, when the screen turned on, he accidentally pressed one too many times and opened the phone instead of just turning on the screen. He jabbed the music app and pressed next as soon as the option popped up. It Has Begun by Starset. Just as bad. He accidentally pressed next a couple of times and he skipped Suppose by Secondhand Serenade and All Again for You by We The Kings. The next song to play was Emperor’s New Clothes by Panic! At the Disco. Nope. He jabbed at the next button again. Scars by Papa Roach. Virgil snorted _How fitting._ He snarked to himself. But anything was better then the other songs.

 

“Virgil.” Iggy stated. His tone screamed ‘raised eyebrow.’

 

“Uhh...” The Anxious Side said sheepishly, his cheeked were burning. “You... may be right.”

 

At the Stove’s implied stare, Virgil said “Okay. You are right.”

 

“Mmhm.” Iggy hummed in agreement.

 

“I just...” Virgil said in frustration. He paced back and forth. “I don’t know. I don’t know what to do. What what to feel. What to say. I just don’t know.”

 

“Why don’t we go over the five stages of grief.” Iggy suggested supportively.

 

“Really?” Virgil asked. Sarcasm laced his voice. He stopped and turned towards the stove with his own raised eyebrow.

 

“Absolutely Kiddo.” Iggy replied. A smile clear in his voice.

     

“Ugh.” Virgil groan, but there wasn’t any bite in his tone. He refused to look at the Stove, too embarrassed. “You’ve been hanging around Patton too much.”

 

“I’m being serious, Virge.” Iggy said, well, seriously. The Anxious Side pulled himself back up on the counter.

 

Virgil released a heavy sigh as he starred out into the empty living room. He waved his arm at the Stove.

 

Taking that as a sign to continue, Iggy said, “Well, the first thing you should know is that it is not the same for everybody. Everyone experiences the stages differently. And it is not always linear. You may be at one stage, and the next day you might be at a stage you had already been through.”

 

Iggy waited for Virgil’s nod before he started talking again.

 

“So, the first stage is Denial.” Iggy states. And why did Virgil get the impression that Iggy was adjusting glasses. Maybe he picked up something from Logan as well.

 

“Been there.” Virgil said flatly. He looked down at his arms. All of the cuts may have healed, but the scars have yet to fade.

 

“Alright.” Iggy continued, Virgil got the sense the Stove was nodding again. “Next is anger.”

 

“Done that.” Virgil said quickly. He traced the scars on his right arm.  _Hopefully they’ll fade after I sleep._

 

“Okay then.” Iggy said reassuringly. “After that is Bargaining.”

 

“Bargaining?” Virgil asked, finally looking up at the Stove.

 

“Yes.” Iggy explained. “In the Bargaining stage, people often will hope and wish it was all a dream, they would say that they will devote their time to helping others if none of it was real.”

 

“Well,” Virgil said slowly, “I did completely throw myself into protecting Thomas.”

 

“Alrighty then.” Iggy said, “Next is Depression.”

 

A stone sat uncomfortably in his stomach. He shifted from his spot on the counter. He wasn’t sure why the thought of depression unsettled him. It wasn’t a Side, so that couldn’t be it. Maybe just the concept bothered him. He wasn’t sure.

 

“During the Depression stage,” Iggy began explaining after it was clear Virgil wasn’t going to say anything. “A Person may feel as if they are empty. That there is no point in goi–”

 

“I know what Depression is Iggy!” Virgil snapped harshly. He was immediately flooded with guilt. He took a deep, shuttering breath. “I’m sorry. I... I just–”

 

“Virgil.” Iggy cut him off. “It’s fine. No, seriously. Things haven’t been that great right now. It’s no wonder you are a little on edge.”

 

“Still.” Virgil said guiltily. “I really shouldn’t have-”

 

“You really don’t have to apologize, Virge.” Iggy said soothingly. “But if it makes you feel better, apology accepted.”

 

The guilt remained.

 

“So about Depression...” Iggy said hesitantly.

 

Virgil sighed deeply. He awkwardly answered, “Back in the summer, I gave up on trying to be accepted by Thomas and the others. I guess that could be it.”

 

“Yeah.” Iggy said almost tersely. Virgil had a feeling that the Stove was still mad at the others for driving him away. “Probably.”

 

The Kill by Thirty Seconds to Mars started playing.

 

“And the last?” Virgil asked after an awkward silence. He was suddenly feeling as if he were Thomas. Not in the sense he and Thomas were the same person. They are. But he was feeling as if he suddenly knew what Thomas goes through when they work through any of his issues. Like he matters. It’s a pleasant feeling.

 

“Right.” Iggy cleared his metaphorical throat. “The last stage is Acceptance.”

 

“And how do I do that?” Virgil asked in frustration. He rubbed his hand on the back of his neck.

 

“It isn’t immediate kiddo.” Iggy said, once again taking on Patton’s mannerisms. “It will take time.”

 

“Okay.” Virgil groan. “But what can I do?”

 

“It is different for everybody.” Iggy said soothingly. “For some, it’s accepting that this is the new reality. For others, it is just having more good days than bad. Or to be able to look into the past and be happy about those experiences they shared. Or even facing the future with hope. You just have to try.”

 

Something struck Virgil. He wasn’t sure what it was, but something that Iggy had said had an idea forming.

 

“I am going to confront Deceit.” was out of Virgil’s mouth before he even realized he had decided on this.

 

“What!” Iggy screamed. “Are you insane!”

 

“Dude,” Virgil said, flinching at the loud, sudden noise. “Keep it down, will you?”

 

“Please tell me you’re joking.” Iggy pleaded.

 

Virgil shook his head. “I have to face my past. I have to face them.”

 

“Virge.” Iggy said, still unsure.

 

“Iggy, I need to know.” Virgil said almost desperately.

 

“Virgil, please.” Iggy begged. “Please, just think about this. You shouldn’t face him alone. Think logically.”

 

“You’re right.” Virgil said firmly. “I should ask Logan to help me come up with a plan.”

 

“That’s not what I meant.” Iggy moaned.

 

“Besides.” Virgil said, ignoring the stove’s pleas. “I can try to find out what is plans are.”

 

“There’s no changing your mind now, is there?” Iggy fretted.

 

“Not this time.” Virgil said resolutely. He needed to do this.

 

A wave of terror washed over him as he realized that he will have to tell Logan everything. His past, his abilities, even what Deceit did to him. That alone almost made him change his mind. But, he needed to do this. And as much as he desperately wants to not have to tell Logan, to hide away his past, Virgil knows that he deserves to know. They all do.

 

He reached to take a sip of his forgotten tea, when he realized that the bag was still in. He hasn’t even added sugar yet and it was now cold. With a sigh, he pulled out the bag and set it on the paper towel. He tapped the mug and the tea was steaming again. He added his usual amount of sugar and stirred it. He took a sip and immediately grimaced at the taste. He resisted the urge to spit it out and forced him self to swallow the tea. Tea was never as good when he heated it up with his control over the mindscape. It was always bitter and lukewarm at best, no matter how much sugar he put in or how hot he made the water. It just wasn’t good.  _I’m Anxiety, of course anything I conjure up would be unpleasant._ He could vaguely hear Patton threatening to fight him over his self-depreciation. A warmth filled him as he imagined the Father figure trying to cheer him up.

 

He downed the rest of the tea in record time and shuddered in revulsion. He went to the sink and rinsed the cup out. He didn’t want the disgusting taste to contaminate the rest of his tea.

 

“Hey Ig,” the Anxious trait said hesitantly. “Could you...”

 

He gestured towards the kettle on the stovetop with his mug. They have been talking a while. The water may be kept warm by Iggy keeping the burner on Medium, but it was definitely not hot. As such, it wouldn’t make very good tea.

 

The dial turned to high, but Iggy said nothing.

 

 _The silent treatment._ Virgil thought with a sigh. The exhaustion settled in his bones. He didn’t feel like hopping on the counter again, the floor seemed much more comfortable, so he lowered himself down onto the floor next to the Stove, sitting with his back against the bottom cupboard. He vaguely noticed that the oven door was closed. Hurt filled his chest, but he forced that down. The Stove is just trying to look out for the him.

 

“Iggy.” Virgil said softly, twisting the mug in his hands. “I need to know. Why? Why did he do what he did? Why did he betray me? I trusted him! And he–”

 

His voice broke off. Agony ripped his being as the memories invaded his thoughts. His throat constricted painfully as he fought off a sob. Black liquid dropped onto the mug. He brought his empty hand to his face and realized that it was wet. He was crying. He set the mug on the counter behind him and scrubbed at his face, wiping at the tears, smearing his make-up even more in the process. He couldn’t find it in himself to care about that fact.

 

“Alright, Virgil.” Iggy conceded, “just please, be careful.”

 

“I’ll try.” Virgil promised.

 

“You better.” Iggy growled.

 

“Besides,” Virgil said, lightly. “I’ll have Logan there to watch my back.”

 

“When will you do this?” Iggy asked, a sigh in his tone.

 

“Well.” Virgil thought this over. “I want to go to sleep after everyone comes down for breakfast, so I’ll talk to Logan after I wake up, and I want to wake up before dinner. I’ll take to Logan after dinner. So, if Logan agrees, I’ll confront Deceit tonight, after Thomas goes to sleep.”

 

“Okay.” Iggy said resignedly.

 

Virgil yawned. He forced the exhaustion back down. It came back immediately.

 

It Ends Tonight by All American Rejects started playing. Virgil had to hold back a snort.  _If that’s not a sign, I don’t know what is._

 

The two of them sat in silence. It was a little awkward at first, but eventually the tension eased. Virgil shifted from his back against the cupboards to his head resting against the the oven door. Iggy started humming along with the song. Despite not having vocal cords, the Stove was vibrating as he did so. The Anxious Side did not notice as the dial for the kettle gave a soft click as it turned off. Nor did he notice as the oven turned on and heat seeped past the door and enveloped him, keeping him warm. All he new was he was was safe, warm, moderately comfortable and exhausted. He was asleep before the song ended.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I couldn’t help myself. I randomly got the picture of Virgil curled up against Iggy and I just had to write it.


	5. Chapter One - Part Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil has a panic attack as he waits for Patton

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are puns. But I am not a punny person. So the puns in this is just some that I looked up.

“–rgil.” A voice broke through the fog, dragging him back to awareness. “Wake up.”

 

Virgil groaned. There was a familiar clicking sound from above him. His tired brain couldn’t place it.

 

“Hey there, Buddy.” The voice continued. “It’s time to wake up.”

 

“I don’t wanna.” Virgil mumbled, pressing further against the warm surface next to him. Suddenly, that surface was rumbling. The voice was laughing as well.

 

“Virgil,” the voice said, “I know you’re tired, but you really should get off of the floor.”

 

His eyes flew open as the memories rushed back. He took in his surroundings and realized he was curled upon the floor against Iggy. He blushed.

 

“Morning.” The voiced laughed, and Virgil realized it was Iggy who has been talking to him.

 

“What time is it?” Virgil yawned. He slowly uncurled and stretched out his back. He was grateful that, as a Side, he wasn’t bound by the laws real world, and as such, wouldn’t be sore from sleeping on the floor. That would be a pain.

 

He registered that All That I’ve Got by The Used was quietly playing in the background. It confused him for a moment as to why his phone hasn’t run out of battery yet, then he remembered that the phone was imaginary, and did not need to charge.

 

“It’s 7:30.” Iggy replied, a hint of smugness in his voice. “You’ve been asleep for 2 hours.”

 

“What?” Virgil exclaimed, pushing himself onto his feet. “Why did you let me fall asleep?”

 

“Kid,” Iggy said exasperatedly, “you’re exhausted. You don’t even know when the last time you slept was. You really need some sleep. Especially if you are still planning on confronting Deceit tonight.”

 

“I...” Virgil trailed off. He thought of what Iggy has said and realized he was being a bit foolish in his efforts in trying to stay awake till after breakfast.  _And I’m supposed to be the non-reckless one._

 

“Right.” The Anxious Side said, he cleared his throat. “Thanks.”

 

“Of course.” The Stove said with an implied smile. He continued, but his tone was hesitantly and concerned. “And are you still going to...”

 

The familiar sensation of dread twisted his insides. The thought of seeing the Snakelike Side terrified him. But...

 

“I need to.” Virgil replied. He needed to do this. He needed to really _see_ that Deceit was the ‘Bad Guy’. He still... hoped... that he was wrong. That it was all some sort of misunderstanding. Or that it was a prank. Although if that was the case, it was a really shitty prank. But he still hoped. And it was killing him.

 

“...Okay.” Iggy said understandingly. Virgil realized that he let his guard down and was actually expressing his emotions in front of another person, instead of hiding them under a mask. Once again, he was surprised at how much he wasn’t worried over this fact. Instead it gave him hope. Deceit may have hurt Virgil, but the Liar won’t break him. He won’t let him win.

 

Suddenly, a loud, sharp whistling sound filled the air and Virgil threw himself backwards, landing painfully on his back. He scrambled backwards in terror. When his back hit a solid surface, he slammed his hands over his ears in an effort to block out the sudden noise.

 

Slowly, the sound faded and Virgil was left with was his pounding heart beat and his erratic breathing. A sob tore past his lips and he pulled his knees to his chest and wrapped his arms around them. He barely managed hold back more sobs as he buried his face in his arms.

 

As the the panic faded, he could vaguely recall Logan’s lectures about panic attacks and blood pressure. That during a panic attack, your blood pressure goes up, and to reduce the risk of fainting, you need to get your head equal to orlower then your heart. It would be ideal to either lay down, or put you head between your legs, but he didn’t think he could move. Instead, he focused on controlling his breathing.

 

When he calmed down, he registered Iggy’s frantic voice.

 

“–rry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” The Stove cried. And Virgil was sure if he had eyes, there would be tears in them.

 

“Iggy?” Was all Virgil managed to say, his head still buried in his legs. To his despair, the scars on his arms has yet to fade even though he took a nap.

 

“Virgil,” Iggy said with a sniff. “I am so, so sorry! I forgot I turned on the burner for the kettle for your tea when you were waking up! I’m sorry!”

 

“Nt yer fault.” Virgil mumbled. He was trembling. His body wouldn’t respond to his commands. He groaned. He was so tired of this. He was tired of being jumpy, of panicking every time he thought Deceit, of losing control, of constant being on edge.

 

“Of course it is!” Iggy cried. “I turned on the kettle! I should have told you! I knew you were still on edge! Especially after just waking up. I should have remembered I turned the Kettle on!”

 

“Iggy.” Virgil cut in before the Stove could rant further. He focused on keeping his voice steady. “It is not your fault. I am the one who can’t get a grip.”

 

“Virge, no.” Iggy said softly. There was definitely a tone of tears now. “This is not your fault.”

 

Virgil didn’t answer. He just hugged his knees closer. A strand of hair tickled his cheeks, he shakily moved it away from his face. A small amount of relief filled him. He was gaining control of his limbs again.

 

“Virgil, please.” Iggy begged. “You need to reconsider. You are in no condition to face him.”

 

“I have to.” Virgil stated. He looked up and realized that he was out of the kitchen and was backed up against the wall by the stairs. He pulled himself to his feet. He felt weak, so he used the wall to steady himself.

 

“Virge.”

 

“No Iggy,” The Anxious Side said, he took a shuttering breath. “I have to face him. Because this,” he paused to gestured down to where he was just curled up. “These panic attacks, this constantly on edge, it will just get worse. It is time. I have to stop running away.”

 

“Are you sure?” The Stove asked desperately.

 

“Yes.”

 

“Alright.” Iggy said, “just please, please be careful.”

 

“I will.” He promised. He barely noticed that Headstrong by Trapt was nearing the end.

 

Virgil took a hesitant step forwards. He was still shaky, but he knew he would be able to make it to the end of the kitchen. When he reached the fridge, it occurred to him that there was a bunch of different desserts that Patton made. He was hit with a craving for something sweet. He opened the fridge and looked at his options. As he read the notes on the plates, a memory of Logan lecturing about foods to eat after a panic attack filled his mind.

 

Logan explained that during an attack, panic or anxiety, you use up most of your energy. And afterwards, you need to replenish that energy.

 

The Logical Side said that the best foods to eat was whole grains, dairy, produce such as fruits and vegetables, and meats with a high protein content such as fish and poultry. And Chocolate. Specifically dark chocolate.

 

Grains helped regulate blood sugar content.

 

Dairy, while also helped maintain blood sugar, it contained tryptophan, an amino acid that helped the brain produce chemicals associated with calmness.

 

Fruit and Vegetables contain antioxidants. They help prevent mood disorders, along with a bunch of other healthy stuff.

 

Fish and poultry help relieve anxiety symptoms as well as many other things.

 

And dark chocolate, contains tryptophan, Theobromine, Magnesium, and caffeine. All of them improve your mood.

 

See Logan. He was listening. Sorta. He understood the basics at least.

 

So Virgil pulled out the Fudge with Walnuts, Cherry Cheesecake Delight, and the Chocolate Chip Cookies. The Fudge looked like dark chocolate, the Cheesecake has dairy and fruit, and Patton always made the cookies using whole grain. Yes, his reasoning made sense. So what if it wasn’t healthy!

 

He summoned a plate and placed a couple pieces of the Cheesecake Delight and Fudge on it and set it on the counter near where he was sitting. He place the whole plate of cookies there as well. As he was putting the Cheesecake and Fudge away, he, on impulse, summoned a cup and poured some milk into it. You gotta have milk with your cookies.

 

Virgil set the glass of milk by the cookies and accidentally bumped his arm against his favorite mug. He scrambled to grab it as it wobbles too close to the edge. When it was steady, he remembered the cause of his earlier panic. _I mean, the water is already hot..._ Virgil filled the mug with the hot water and plopped a tea bag in.

 

As he pulled himself onto the corner of he counter, he realized that his phone was still playing music and the song Life is Beautiful by Sixx:A.M. was playing. He considered turning off the music, but he already sat down and the phone was on the other counter by the sink. Besides, he didn’t think he could handle silence right now.

 

As he ate the desserts, he realized that something was different. Nothing bad. Just something was out of place. His scars weren’t gone, so that couldn’t be it. He was still exhausted, and he still felt terrible. But something familiar was niggling in the back of his mind. As he took another bite of the Fudge it hit him. This wasn’t normal Fudge. Or to be more accurate. It was Fudge. Patton didn’t make this. It was created in the mindscape because Thomas ate a lot of it.

 

_But why would he do that?_ Virgil puzzled. _He doesn’t really even like dark chocolate. So why..._

 

Virgil remembered that both dark chocolate and walnuts both help produce serotonin, which helps people regulate their moods. And it is believed that low serotonin levels is the cause of mental disorders such as anxiety and depression.

 

_Did my attacks actually affect Thomas more then I thought? Was Thomas eating the Fudge to keep my effect down to a minimum... No that’s not it..._

 

When Virgil thought about it, it didn’t feel like that was it. It felt as if... as if Thomas ate the Fudge _for_ him. He just _knew_ that Thomas ate the Fudge to help him. To try to make Virgil feel better.

 

His eyes welled up with tears.

 

“Virgil?” Iggy asked, alarmed. “What is it? What’s wrong.”

 

Virgil tried to answer the Stove but his throat was constricting painfully. Instead he just shook his head.

 

“Is it the Fudge?” Iggy sounded like he was close to panicking. “Oh My God! I don’t remember Patton making it!”

 

“Iggy.” Virgil managed to croak, but the Stove didn’t hear him.

 

“Where did it come from? Was it from Deceit? Was it poisoned? How are you feeling? Are you sick?”

 

“No, Iggy. I’m fi–” Virgil tried to say, but Iggy kept ranting on.

 

“Are you dizzy? Should I call someone? HELP! PATTON! LOGAN! ROMA–“

 

“IGGY!” Virgil finally managed to get his attention. “I am fine. I’m just surprised, that’s all.”

 

“Surprised about what?” Iggy asked nervously.

 

“They... care.” Virgil said in awe and disbelief.

 

“Virge.” Iggy’s voice is sad with an undertone if pity. “That shouldn’t be a surprise.”

 

“Iggy,” Virgil said, his voice cracked as he tried to explain to the Stove. He blinked back the tears. “I’ve spent years being ignored and _hated_. It will take more then a couple of months for it sink in that they do... care.”

 

“Oh, Virge.” Iggy said softly, his tone too close to pity for Virgil’s liking.

 

“Just don’t pity me, man” Virgil said, refusing to meet The Stove’s non-existent gaze.

 

“Sorry.” Iggy said a little too quickly.

 

Virgil sighed.

 

“Sooo...” Iggy said awkwardly, “ahem, the Fudge... how can you be sure it’s not- it’s not from... _him_.”

 

“It’s not.” Virgil said with certainty, “Thomas ate enough of this Fudge for it to appear here.”

 

“But, how do you know?” Iggy asked.

 

Virgil paused to determine how he knew.

 

The song Vindicated by Dashboard Confessionals just ended and The Good Left Undone by Rise Against started playing.

 

“The taste.” Virgil said. “The taste is more... intense then anything a Side can make. Not even Deceit. And trust me, he’s tried plenty of times to replicate it.”

 

“Got it.” Iggy replied.

 

The two of them fell into silence again. Virgil quickly ate most the Cheesecake and the Fudge and was now drowning the Chocolate Chip Cookies in the milk. He only ate the cookie after all of the bubbles stopped.

 

He had just eaten his fourth cookie when Iggy said, “You still have you Tea, Virge.”

 

“Hm?” Virgil looked up from the glass, “Oh, right. Thanks.”

 

He shoved the cookie in his mouth before the bubbles finished. It was harder then his usual taste, but it was good enough. He put the milk next to the plate of cookies. He picked up his mug. It wasn’t hot, but it was warm enough. He dumped the sugar in and stirred. He drank it in three large gulps. He didn’t want it to get cold like the last cup. He filled the mug with the hot water. He was about to put in the bag again, but he remembered that he already used that one twice, a third seeping wouldn’t make strong tea. He threw it in the trash. He pulled another bag from the box and set it in the mug.

 

He was about to get back on the counter, but he saw that the glass was low on milk. He downed the milk. It was sweet from the chocolate and cookie bits that broke off. He went to the fridge and refilled his glass. He pulled himself back up on the the corner of the counter that was his spot. He picked a cookie and dunked it.

 

“Hey Virge,” Iggy asked. “why do you dunk the cookies in milk?”

 

“What?” Virgil asked, before he registered the question, completely missing the hint of amusement in the Stove’s voice. “Oh, well, the milk softens the cookie and it makes it taste better.”

 

“So, you’re saying that the cookies are a little tough?” This time Virgil could clearly hear the mischief.

 

“Well,” Virgil replied cautiously, “I wouldn’t say tough, probably hard.”

 

“Well, I sure do appreciate have a tough cookie like you in my corner!” Iggy laughed.

 

“Was that supposed to be a pun?” Virgil asked, the corners of his lips quirked upwards.

 

“Precisely” Iggy said smugly.”

 

“Don’t you mean pre-slice-ly?” Virgil smirked, holding up his last slice of Cheesecake.

 

Iggy snorted. “Good one.”

 

“So are we on the puns portion of this party?” Virgil asked wryly. He quickly ate the cookie and set the glass of milk down.

 

“What?” Iggy asked innocently, “I just want to bake your day better.”

 

“Show me what you got.” Virgil replied, making a ‘bring it on’ gesture.

 

“What is the best cookies to give out on Halloween?” Iggy said with an implied smile.

 

“What?” Virgil asked.

 

“Ghoul Scout Cookies!”

 

“Ok,” Virgil laughed, missing the whooshing sound and a soft gasp. “Now I know you’ve been spending too much time around Patton.”

 

Hero by Skillet just started playing.

 

The laughter died at the mention of the Moral Side. Virgil remembered what Iggy had told about the previous day. Of Patton’s breakdown. Guilt gnawed at him. Despite what Iggy had said, Virgil knew that it was his fault. He should have been stronger. If he had been, the other Sides wouldn’t have been affected like they were. They wouldn’t have to deal with the worrying, or the paranoi–

 

“Uh, Virge,” Iggy’s voice broke him out of his thoughts. “Heads up.”

 

“Virgil?” A voice whimpered from his right.

 

Virgil whipped his head around to see Patton at the entrance of the kitchen. The Emotional Side was staring at him with a mixture of shock, disbelief and hope in his tearful eyes.

 

“Dad.” Virgil croaked, tears forming in his own eyes. He slid off the counter and the two Sides met in the middle.

 

“Oh, Kiddo.” Patton cried, holding Virgil’s face in his hands. His gaze was roaming across all the scars on the Anxious Trait. “Look at you!”

 

Virgil grabbed Patton’s hands and lowered them so he see the injuries for himself. He turned his hands and saw that the entire palm was covered in burns that ran up the fingers as well. There was scabbed over cuts across the four fingers on the left hand. The guilt in Virgil intensified and self-hatred started to bloom.

 

“I’m sorry.” Virgil cried. He couldn’t stop staring at the injuries. “I’m so, so sorry.”

 

“Oh, honey.” Patton said. Taking Virgil hands into his own. “No, this not your fault.”

 

“But–”

 

“No.”

 

Virgil didn’t say anything. Instead choosing to drink in the sight of the Paternal Side. His hair was ruffled and his cat hoodie was crooked. And his eyes were red and puffy from the tears, but Virgil couldn’t miss the love and care that shone in them.

 

“Can I hug you?” Patton asked suddenly.

 

Virgil barely managed to get out a broken “Please.” Before the Father Figment’s arms was surrounding him. Virgil’s face was buried in Patton’s shoulder.

 

“I got you.” Patton soothed. “Dad’s here.”

 

That was all it took for the sobs to overtake Virgil. All of the fear, worries, and the a pain of the past week, of seeing Deceit again, it was too much. But here, in Patton’s comforting arms. He finally felt safe.

 

“I’ve got you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, I’ve got about 2,000 words written for chapter two, but, there is still a lot I need to write. It could take anywhere from a week to a month before the next update. Just wanted to let you guys know.


	6. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Logan gets a anxious visitor who intends to tell all. But doesn’t quite manage to do so. Oops.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long. Was dealing with a massive writer’s block that refused to go away. That and I was dealing with some personal issues.
> 
> Sorry if some of it seems rushed, that was how I dealt with the writer’s block.

Logan stared at the textbook in annoyance. He had intended on spending his evening reviewing for Thomas’ Astronomy Course. Unfortunately, he found that his thoughts consistently returned to Virgil.

 

He was, of course, relieved that their Anxious Side had returned from his self imposed exile. However, Virgil’s behavior during the brief time he was at breakfast was concerning. He was more quiet and reserved then normal. In the past, that would be expected, however, the younger Side had opened up to them and was becoming more comfortable around them. The return to this previous behavior was troubling. As was the jumpiness. And the increase in safety behaviors.

 

From what Logan had observed during breakfast, Virgil was scared. And that, in itself, was alarming. He was Anxiety, as such, he is cautious and he worries. But he is also Virgil, he refuses to let anyone see his vulnerabilities, as not to appear weak. For him to actually show this level of fear can only mean that the Anxious Side is terrified.

 

There is also the matter of Virgil’s scars.

 

There was only a small number of reasons why a Side remained injured. And most of them were not good. That is, of course, not including the scars all of the Sides have due to Thomas having scars.

 

The only reason that was not bad was if a Side refused to let the scars fade. Roman had done so on occasion, claiming the scars were Badges of Bravery. An accomplishment. However, Virgil had spent the morning covering them up as much as possible. So the Logical Side deduced that this was not the case.

 

They may be the result of another Side’s interference. One of the Negative Traits, or “Dark Sides” had once given Roman a nasty scar on his shoulder. They then did something to slow the healing process. What should have taken minutes to heal and fade had taken months. By the time it had fully healed, it was too late for the scar to fade as it had become a part of the Fanciful Side. However, from what Logan could see under Virgil’s hood, this looked to be self-inflicted. Most likely a result of his earlier panic attacks.

 

While they may be self-inflicted, they were not purposefully self-harm. There was a difference. A self inflicted wound was a stubbed toe, bumping your elbow, tripping and scraping your knee, or even scratching your self too hard. Accidents or unintentional. Those injures usually fade normally. Patton had many accidental injuries when he and Thomas had been learning how to cook.

 

While they may be accidental, Logan was certain that the wounds Virgil received was not intentional. The Anxious Side was not in a clear state of mind. He was not purposefully trying to disfigure himself. Back in high school, Roman took Patton and Logan on an adventure in the Imagination. Both Patton and Logan had become seriously injured when the Imagination got out of control. Roman was inconsolable for weeks and Creative Side turned to the razor. It took Virgil (back when he was just known as Anxiety) confronting him did he finally stop.

 

Another, and much more troubling reason, is that if a Side is corrupted. Thankfully, Virgil has no signs to indicate corruption, so Logan can rule out that possibility. Roman had started to corrupt when he and Thomas had refused to accept their sexuality, back when Thomas was a teenager. Thankfully he snapped out of if before the corruption had become permanent. Unfortunately, the scars over the Romantic Side’s heart had remained.

 

The last reason, which is most plausible, is if the scars are tied to a mental issue. Insecurities, fears, and the like. A physical manifestation of said issues. Only after the worries are resolved would the scars fade. Scars had appeared all over Patton when he believed he was a bad Father when Roman got hurt. Another instance when the Imagination got out of control. It took Thomas, Logan, Roman and even Virgil (also back when they had only knew him as Anxiety) to reason with him. It was only when the Emotional Trait had accepted that it was not his fault did the scars fade. That was in college.

 

The timing of these lingering scars and Deceit reappearance could not be a coincidence.

 

Logan, Patton and Roman hypothesized that Virgil and Deceit knew each other. And that their relationship had been anything but good. _And if our other suspicions are correct..._ Logan thought with a growl. The mere notion of Deceit harming Virgil made his blood boil.

 

He was momentarily taken aback by the protectiveness he was experiencing for the Anxious Trait. But, he realized that he should not be surprised. Logan knew that he had developed a fondness for him. Just as he knew of the fondness he held for Patton and Roman. Sure, the three of them can be frustrating at times. But, they are, as Patton had put it near daily, a Family.

 

Logan huffed as he realized that his mind had drifted once again. He needed to concentrate. Thomas had spent a good portion of his free time reading his textbooks. If Logan did not review what Thomas had read, Thomas would have a difficult time recalling what he had learned. Thomas was counting on him.

 

He picked up the jar of Crofters and scooped a spoonful. Studying was always easier with a snack. The jelly practically melted in his mouth. Logan moaned in appreciation.

 

He managed to get through three pages. At the end of each paragraph, he rewarded himself with another spoonful.

 

He had just eaten the 12th scoop of the Fruit Spread, when he found himself, once again, unable to continue. This time, however, it wasn’t his thoughts that prevented him from studying. No, this time, it was a nudge. Not a physical nudge, mind you, but a mental nudge. Although a physical nudge for a Side is technically also a mental nudge.

 

This nudge can mean only one thing. Virgil is asking permission to enter Logan’s room.

 

Unlike Patton or Roman, Virgil has always been too anxious to appear in another Side’s room without permission. In order to assist the Anxious Side, Logan taught Virgil how to create a minute connection with another Side, not enough for them to read each other’s thoughts or communicate, but just enough to send a nudge. This nudge was Virgil’s form of “knocking” on the door, seeing as none of their rooms were on the same plane, as such, there was no door to knock on.

 

Logan and Roman were working on creating a stable corridor, however every attempt had failed. During their most recent attempt, they had managed to briefly create a “hallway” connecting Logan and Patton’s room, however, within moments of stabilization, Logan was flooded with a wave of emotions and the corridor imploded. The backlash had rendered Logan unconscious for 5 and a half hours. They halted all other experimentations until more research could be conducted.

 

Logan forced away any frustration at being interrupted. While it was important to study, Virgil was more important. He didn’t want to Virgil to see him irritated. The last thing he wanted to do was intimidate the Anxious Side, especially after this past week. Virgil was coming to him for help, be it a clear vision on his issues, a ear to listen, a calming presence, or even for comfort. A clear sign that Virgil is starting to trust him. Logan would help him in any way he can. He did not want to set back all of Virgil’s progress.

 

Logan stood up from the coffee table and walked over to his spot next to the stairs. He focused on Virgil, or to be more specific, he focused on the what made Virgil different from the other Sides and Thomas. His eyeshadow, his foundation, and his hoodie. The things that were uniquely Virgil. Logan pictured these objects in his mind, he swung his hand towards Virgil’s spot and _pulled_.

 

Virgil’s hoodie did appear, but without the Anxious Side. It popped into existence about chest height. It floated in midair as if around an invisible person, then it fell to the ground with a flump. A cloud of foundation and eyeshadow spread out over the stairs.

 

Logan blinked down at the hoodie in confusion. _Perhaps I should refine my technique?_

 

There was another, more insistent, nudge.

 

_Oh right._ Logan thought, mild embarrassment filling him. _We summon Virgil differently._

 

This time, the simply called for the Anxious Side

 

“Virgil.” He called.

 

Virgil appeared hoodie-less.

 

“Dude!” Virgil indignantly, his feet got tangled in his hoodie and he stumbled where he stood. “What the hell!”

 

“My apologies.” Logan said. “I may have miscalculated...”

 

Logan trailed off as the words died in his throat. There was just so many scars. His arms, neck, and face were all latticed with them. When Virgil bent down to pick up his hoodie pooled around his feet, his shirt rode up to reveal scars along his back and stomach as well.

 

On closer inspection, Logan was relieved to note that all of the scars looked recent. No more then a week old. A small comfort, but the Logical Side didn’t think he would be able to handle knowing Virgil has self-harmed before. Not so soon after this past week anyway.

 

“What!” Virgil snarled as he noticed Logan’s stare. Virgil shrugged on his hoodie. A faint blush dusted the Anxious Side’s cheeks. Logan noted that the blush would have ordinarily be concealed by the foundation, however, Logan realizes he accidentally _pulled_ it off along with the hoodie. That doesn’t explain why the eyeshadow is thick as ever.

 

“Sorry.” Logan said, less robotically this time. He wanted Virgil to know he was sincere.

 

“Whatever.” Virgil huffed. He shoved his hands into the pockets of his hoodie. His hood was up. His bangs were obscuring his eyes. He was clearly uncomfortable.

 

Logan took a moment to compose himself.

 

“Please.” Logan said, gesturing towards the couch. “Have a seat.”

 

“Are you sure you’re not too busy?” Virgil asked, eyeing the open textbook. “I could come back lat– well...”

 

That alone, was enough to tell Logan that this was important.

 

“I need to take a break anyway.” Logan replied as he went back to the coffee table. He set the paper he was taking notes on in the textbook to mark his place. He looked to the clock to see that it was nearing 8 PM.

 

“Actually,” Logan continued. He returned the textbook back to it’s place on the bookshelf with a snap. “I am finished for the night.”

 

At Virgil’s inquiring look, Logan elaborated. “I would normally stop in half an hour, however, I find myself unable to concentrate.”

 

“What’s wrong?” Virgil asked urgently. His eyes shifted across the room, searching for hidden danger.

 

“Nothing.” Logan said, “I...”

 

Logan stopped himself. He shouldn’t lie, lest he tempt the Serpent’s fangs. No, he had to tell the truth, even if it made Virgil uncomfortable.

 

“I am concerned.” Logan began, he allowed that concern for the other Side to color his voice. “About you.”

 

“Me?” Virgil asked, his eyes were wide. Logan couldn’t help but compare him a cornered animal.

 

“Yes.” Logan replied, not realizing that his own eyes held a tenderness to them. “I had noticed your... discomfort... this morning. I realize that seeing Deceit again must have been unsettling. I find myself wanting to help. However, I am uncertain how to accomplish this.”

 

“Uh.” Virgil was at loss for words. The blush deepened to a bright red. The Anxious Side tried to speak a couple of times, but he couldn’t seem to find the words.

 

“Perhaps,” Logan said when it was clear Virgil was unable to speak. “We should have a seat for this conversation.”

 

He gestured towards the couch again. Virgil nodded. He practically fled from Logan.

 

Logan followed him to the couch. Instead of sitting on the couch, Virgil sat on the coffee table. Logan raised an eyebrow, but did not comment. He knew Virgil sat on surfaces not meant to be sat on when stressed. Logan sat on the couch, not too far away, but not close enough to crowd the Anxious Side.

 

Virgil was fidgeting with the zipper on the sleeve of his hoodie. He refused to look at the Logical Side.

 

“Now, what is it that you wish to talk about?” Logan asked, folding hands over his legs.

 

“Right.” Virgil said shakily. “I...”

 

Virgil froze.

 

If he looked scared this morning, then this was definitely beyond that. Logan could clearly see the terror in the Anxious Side’s eyes.

 

Worry started to blossom within Logan. As stated earlier, Virgil hated showing weakness. Now for _Logan_ to be able to easily see that Virgil was terrified meant that his mask was nonexistent. And for Virgil to have let his guard down like this can mean one of two things. Virgil trusts him enough to let his see his vulnerabilities or he is too overwhelmed with fear to care who saw. And as much as it pains him to admit, he knew that the Anxious Side was not comfortable enough around him to let him see past the masks quite yet. However, the Logical Side understood that it will take time for that level of trust to build. Especially for someone as cautious as Virgil.

 

Logan is willing to be as patient as Virgil needs.

 

“Virgil,” Logan said softly, mentally reviewing grounding techniques in the event Virgil dissociates. “can you hear me?”

 

“Yeah.” Virgil replied, his voice was strained. The Anxious Side was tense. “I’m good.”

 

“Are you sure?” Logan asked, he couldn’t hold back the concern from his voice.

 

“I’m fine!” Virgil snapped. Fight or flight kicked in.

 

Logan’s only reaction was a raised eyebrow.

 

“I’m sorry.” Virgil muttered. He struggled to meet Logan’s eyes.

 

“I don’t blame you.” Logan said softly. He knew he had to maintain a calm demeanor in order to not frighten the Anxious Side. “Please, tell me how I can help.”

 

“Just...” Virgil said in a strained voice. “Keep an open mind.”

 

“That is literally impossible.” Logan stated, “you would bleed out if you don’t tend to your wounds. Head wounds, especially, are known to bleed heavily.”

 

“You’re Impossible.” Virgil groaned. “What I meant was, wait till I’m done explaining till you make a decision, and just don’t... freak out.”

 

“Ah.” Logan replied, adjusting his glasses. “You are asking for me to remain nonjudgmental. I shall endeavor to do so.”

 

“Uh, right.” Virgil said slowly, eying Logan with a raised eyebrow.

 

Logan did not reply, he simply waited for Virgil to continue.

 

“Anyway,” Virgil said, with a shake of his head. “I, uh...”

 

The Anxious Side froze again.

 

“Virge?” Logan asked, he was suddenly filled with the urge to comfort the other Side. However, he was unsure if Virgil was comfortable with physical contact at the moment.

 

“I’m a Dark Side.” Virgil said suddenly, using his bandaid technique. His eyes went wide with terror and he curled onto himself, as if to make a smaller target.

 

Logan took a moment to process this information. It made sense. Virgil just appeared, unlike the other three, who rose up. The Anxious Side’s room affected the three of them in ways that theirs wouldn’t. Logan could spend hours in Patton’s or Roman’s room and he would remain unaffected. There was also the fact that Fear was a part of Virgil’s job. The three of them knew that Fear was one of the Negative Traits, but they didn’t realize that Virgil _is_  Fear.

 

The signs were all there, but none of them had connected the dots.

 

However, for Logan, this changes nothing. Virgil was nothing like the other Negative Traits. In the beginning, maybe, but now, the Anxious Side helped Thomas. He was willing to work with them.

 

He knew that Virgil did not like Deceit. It was obvious based on their interaction during the Lying Video. So it was unlikely that Virgil and Deceit are working together.

 

Besides, Logan trusted Virgil. He knew that all the Anxious Side has ever done was to try to help and protect Thomas. Even if his previous methods were questionable.

 

At this point, Virgil was hyperventilating due to Logan’s silence.

 

Logan snapped himself out of his musing.

 

“Virgil.” Logan said softly. “Can you hear me?”

 

Virgil blinked a couple of times, the Logical Side continued.

 

“We need to get your breathing under control.”

 

Virgil ignored this, instead choosing to peer at Logan from behind his bangs.

 

“You’re not... angry?” Virgil asked, his breathing still uneven.

 

“Why would I be angry?” Logan asked. He had an idea why Virgil would think so, but he wanted to hear it from the Anxious Side himself.

 

“I lied to you!” Virgil said, his legs were bouncing with nervous energy. “I’ve been lying for years!”

 

So Logan was correct. He considered how to handle the situation.

 

“Yes you have.” Logan replied. Virgil shrunk into himself. “While you may not have told a lie of commission, you did use a lie of omission. You withheld the fact that you are a Negative Trait from us. However, it was the logical thing to do.”

 

“What?” Virgil froze, staring at the Logical Side.

 

“It was the logical thing to do.” Logan repeated.

 

“What do you mean?” Virgil asked, a hint of suspicion lacing his voice.

 

“In the past,” Logan explained. “We did not trust you. We saw you as the villain, the antagonist. Had you revealed this information back then, we would have reacted negatively. We would have rejected you.”

 

Virgil flinched.

 

“Now, we know different.” Logan continued. “We know that you are trustworthy. You opening up about this now only reinforces this.”

 

“I guess.” Virgil said uncertainty. He was clearly uncomfortable with lying.

 

Logan sighed.

 

He was aware of Virgil’s aversion to lying. However, the Logical Side was also aware that there are some instances in which Lying was not... bad.

 

The scenario presented to Immanuel Kant by Benjamin Constant was one such example.

 

Lying to protect a young child’s innocence is another. Difficult topics such as family issues, death and carnal relations are often asked upon by an inquisitive child. Many parents will lie so they can buy time until their offspring is old enough to understand. However, once the child is mature enough, it is imperative to tell the truth.

 

When a Child, themselves, first began to lie is a sign of their cognitive development. They are beginning to think for themselves.

 

Those “Little White Lies” are important to maintaining the peace. Lying about liking a undesirable gift from a relative. Lying about liking the food that was made for you. Lying by saying that you remembered someone even if you don’t. Lying by saying that you like the way your significant other looks in that outfit. One just has to know to moderate the amount of lies.

 

And of course, there is the Lying for the sake of one of those surprise parties that Thomas enjoys.

 

Unfortunately, Thomas’ Deceptive Side is erratic and completely untrustworthy. He should be advising Thomas on when to lie and providing a believable one. Instead Deceit crafts schemes and causes problems. Until they come to an understanding, and they get Deceit under control, it would be best if Thomas and the Sides avoids lying altogether. Lest Deceit enacts whatever devious plan he has in store for them this time.

 

“That being said,” Logan continued, “I ask that you to refrain from doing so again. If there is more information that you are not telling us, I implore you tell us the truth. Be it the secret, or the fact that you are not, at this present time, ready to divulge this information.”

 

“That’s it?” Virgil questioned incredulously. “That is all you have to say? Don’t do it again?”

 

“Over the past seven months,” Logan replied, “I have learned that when it comes to trying to learn anything about you, it is best to wait for you to open up. Trying to force the issue only makes you more reluctant to tell us. Trying to get you to reveal your name confirmed this.”

 

“But what if it is important?” Virgil asked, his eyebrows furrowed.

 

“That is for you to decide.” Logan replied.

 

Virgil remained silent. Contemplating. About what, Logan could only guess.

 

Logan gave him a moment.

 

He desperately wanted to question the Anxious Side. To demand answers. However, he knew that would be counterproductive.

 

“If that is all,” He said when the Anxious Side did not continue. “I will bid you a good n–“

 

“Wait!” Virgil interrupted, he was practically vibrating with nervousness.

 

“Yes?” Logan paused. Something the Logical Side identified as hope filled him. Maybe Virgil was starting to trust him.

 

“I–“ Virgil stuttered. “Uh, I’ve already decided that... I’ll tell– tell you everything.”

 

“Oh?” Logan inquired. His eyebrow raised.

 

“Yeah,” Virgil replied. He was fidgeting with the zipper on his sleeve again. _Perhaps he is developing a nervous habit._ “It’s just– I... I don’t—”

 

“Virgil,” Logan said softly. “You really don’t have to. Not all at once. We’ll take it slow.”

 

“No.” Virgil said a little more confidently. “It has– it has to be now.”

 

“What has to be now?” Logan asks, his eyes squinting in confusion. “I do not know of any time constraint.”

 

“Because I am going to do something stupid.” Virgil replied. For the first time during the entire conversation, he looked at Logan directly in the eye. He was determined.

 

“Explain.” Logan said. Worry gnawed at his insides. “Please.”

 

“Deceit is up to something.” Virgil stated firmly. “Something big enough for him to reveal himself to Thomas. And... I have a plan. A plan to find out what it is. I’m hoping that you could help. But, you’ll need to know everything.”

 

“I see.” Logan replied. He needed all the facts before he made any sort of decision. Especially a decision of this magnitude. Besides, if Virgil had already decided to open up, who was he to argue? “And what is this plan you have formulated?”

 

“Summon Deceit and force him to tell the truth.” Virgil said as if it was the most simple thing in the world.

 

“Summon Deceit?” Logan asked flatly. “Here?”

 

“Not here.” Virgil replied. “The Mind Palace. I was thinking that’s the best place to do it. It is still there, I checked. And no one has been there since the Changes video.”

 

“That does make sense.” Logan said thoughtfully. “And how do you plan on making him tell the truth?”

 

“Well.” Virgil said, he ran his hands through his hair. He was nervous again. “That’s one of the things I wanted to talk to you about.”

 

“I see.” Logan replied, prompting the Anxious Side to continue with a nod.

 

“I...” Virgil started, chewing on his bottom lip. “I don’t really know... I don’t know where to start.”

 

“The beginning is generally the most logical point.” The Logical Side stated.

 

“Oh ha ha.” Virgil responded dryly.

 

“I was being genuine.” Logan replied in mild confusion.

 

Virgil rolled his eyes.

 

Logan simply waited for the other to continue.

 

“Right.” Virgil started to say. His voice shuttering as he spoke, as if the mere words were causing him pain. “The beginning...”

 

“Virgil,” Logan interrupted, “you don’t have to go into detail. I understand that this is something difficult, even painful to remember.”

 

“Huh?” Virgil asked, his head tiled to the side.

 

“What I am trying to say is,” Logan said carefully, “we know.”

 

“What do you mean?” Virgil asked, squinting at Logan.

 

Logan sighed.

 

“We figured it out.” Logan said vaguely. He wasn’t sure why he was sugarcoating, but he recognized that a part of him was against upsetting the Anxious Side even more then he already was.

 

“Why don’t you tell me what you _think_ you know.” Virgil said. He almost seemed angry.

 

Logan bristled at the implication of his words, but obliged.

 

“We have already worked out that you knew Deceit more then the rest of us. We are also aware that the relationship was not a favorable one. Your touch aversion coupled with your increased paranoia led me to believe that Deceit had tormented you both physically and mentally in the past.”

 

Silence.

 

Virgil did not respond. Simply stared at Logan.

 

_Did I push to far?_ Logan asked himself. Worry filled him.

 

Suddenly the silence was broken by a laugh. Such a broken and bitter laugh. A shiver ran along the Logical Side’s spine.

 

“Virge?” Logan asked, his voice soft and careful as the laughter reached hysteria.

 

“That,” Virgil managed to say after take a couple of deep breaths. “Would have been much _kinder_ then what he really did.”

 

“And what did he do?” Logan whispered. He was afraid of what the answer would be.

 

“He was my friend.” Virgil said wistfully. His voice was soft. Eyes stared off into the distance.

 

“I don’t follow.” Logan said in confusion.

 

“He was my friend.” Virgil repeated. His breathing became heavy and his pitch rose. Tears pooled in his eyes. “My family. Both of them were. I loved them. I TRUSTED THEM!”

 

His voice broke as a sob escaped past his lips. On closer inspection, Logan could see that Virgil was trembling.

 

Logan was at a loss at what to do. He wasn’t equipped to deal with emotional situations. That was Patton’s area of expertise. The logical course of action would be to follow Patton’s example.

 

_So, what would Patton do?_

 

The image of the Fatherly Trait embracing the other Sides formed within his mind.

 

“May I hug you?” Logan asked. He wasn’t sure if Virgil would accept, but he knew he had to try.

 

“What?” Virgil asked in between the heaves.

 

“I am offering a hug.” Logan replied. He almost spread his arms outward. However, he was concerned that would make Virgil feel obligated to accept, even if he was uncomfortable in doing so.

 

“Why?” Virgil asked, eyeing him in confusion. “I mean, I didn’t know you’re the hugging type.”

 

“It’s true,” Logan conceded. He adjusted his glasses. “hugging is not my forte. However, there are many benefits that a hug provides to one’s emotional well-being. A hug releases Oxytocin, also known as the Bonding Hormone. Oxytocin plays a role in relieving stress, social bonding, sexual reproduction—”

 

“Alright,” Virgil interrupted, his cheeks tinted pink. “Find, let’s hug.”

 

“Oxytocin” Logan continued his explanation. “also increases serotonin and dopamine—”

 

“Just hug me, damn it”

 

Logan stood up and opened his arms. Virgil also stood, his face now a bright red.

 

At first, the embrace was stiff and clumsy. Logan was never the one to initiate the hug in the past. So he was unsure of what to do. But after a moment of awkwardly standing there, the tension left and the two fell into a comfortable hold. They held each other for a few moments.

 

Virgil let out a small sigh. He pulled away.

 

“Virgil.” Logan spoke up after the two sat down again. “I want you to know that, while I may not be as knowledgeable in emotions as Patton, I am here for you.”

 

“Thanks.” The Anxious Side mumbled. He wasn’t meeting Logan’s eyes again. He was embarrassed.

 

“You’re welcome.” Logan replied.

 

A silence fell between the two.

 

Logan waited for Virgil to say something. He didn’t.

 

“Virgil.” Logan finally spoke up after a minute of waiting. “I don’t want to push you to talk, but your earlier words implied urgency.”

 

“Right.” Virgil sighed reluctantly. “Where was I?”

 

“You mentioned” Logan said. “that you were friends with at least two of the Negative Traits.”

 

“What do you mean?” Virgil asked in confusion. His head was tilted to the side.

 

“You said both of them.” Logan explained. “Implying that you were friends with two of the nine Negative Traits.”

 

Virgil started at the Logical Trait in surprised. But the shock quickly melted into amusement.

 

Virgil started laughing.

 

This time the laughter was light. Happy even.

 

Despite being the recipient of said laughter, Logan was relieved that this one was a lot more carefree.

 

“You actually fell for that?” Virgil laughed. “Man, I thought you figured it out immediately!”

 

“Explain.” Logan demanded.

 

“There’s only three of us.” Virgil smirked. “Always has been three.”

 

“Why?” Logan asked. “What is the point of this deception?”

 

The joy faded from Virgil’s eyes. A pang of loss shot through Logan. He pushed the sensation away.

 

“It was Deceit.” Virgil replied, pain once again overtook his face. “It was his idea. He said it was to protect us from you guys. And also for me.”

 

“For you?”

 

“Yeah.” Virgil said. “He knew. He knew that I was an important part of Thomas. That I would need to work with you guys. And in order to do so, it would be best of you guys didn’t know I was a Reject.”

 

“Do I need to summon Patton here to fight you?” Logan interrupted. “You know he doesn’t like you talking bad about yourself.”

 

“What?” Virgil asked. “Oh, no, that is what we called ourselves.”

 

“Why would you do that?” Logan frowned.

 

“Because,” Virgil answered. “We are that parts that Thomas had rejected about himself. He refused to admit that our functions existed. He was constantly fighting against me, he did not believe he lied, and he refused to admit he was Jealous.”

 

“Jealousy.” Logan said in consideration. “Is that...”

 

“Yeah.” Virgil replied. “Jealousy is the last Side.”

 

“I see.” Logan said thoughtfully. He remained calm, but inside, he was ecstatic. Hewas learning so much new information. “And how did it work? This plan to make us think there was more of you guys”

 

“Well,” Virgil explained, “If you remember, we all hid our faces with hoods, and we all only went by a letter. I was A, F, and V. Jealousy was J, E, R, or N. Deceit was either D, P, or one of our other letters so you guys wouldn’t figure it out.”

 

“And this deception was just so we wouldn’t know you’re a Negative Trait.” Logan clarified.

 

“Well,” Virgil said, a hint of bitterness colored his voice. “It was so you guys would be willing to work with me. You guys tolerated me, so it sorta worked.”

 

“But why?” Logan asked. “Why would Deceit want to help Thomas?”

 

“You still don’t get it do you?” Virgil asked. “Even after accepting me, you haven’t realized it.”

 

“What is it I don’t understand?” Logan asked, not quite managing to keep the anger from showing on his face.

 

“Our job,” Virgil said firmly, “our purpose, is protecting Thomas. Protecting you guys. At least it should have been.”

 

“You guys had an interesting way of showing it.” Logan said, a hint of snark snuck into his tone.

 

Virgil groaned in frustration

 

“Seriously!” He snapped. His voice grew deeper. Almost demonic. “We **didn’t have a** choice!  **You refused** to even give **us** a chance! All **we wanted was to** **protect** him!  **But no! You. Didn’t. Listen!** ”

 

Shadows seemed to gather around the Anxious Side. He was on his feet. His eyes darkened. There was a menacing air to him.

 

Logan’s pulse skyrocketed. Sweat gathered in his palm. His breath refused to steady. He was trembling.

 

And for the first time, Logan could understand that Virgil is Fear.

 

A whimper escaped him.

 

Virgil froze.

 

His expression morphed into horror as he realized what he has done.

 

“Oh god.” Virgil whispered. He backed up into the wall. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

 

And before Logan could say anything, Virgil sunk out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry. I promise it gets better. Eventually.


End file.
